Monday, March 21, 2011

Results For WWE Raw 3/21/11

They announce ‘Good Ole JR’ but it is Michael Cole in a fat suit with a neck brace on his ankle while he limps to the ring with a bottle of JR’s Barbecue Sauce. Josh cannot believe that Cole is doing this while Lawler is silent. Security keeps Lawler away from Cole until he enters the Cone of Silence, that is still on the blink from its days at Control.

The fans chant for Lawler while Cole sticks his tongue out at Lawler.

Now it is time for the people who wrestle for a living to come to the ring and Triple H walks to the ring to unleash the GameFountain before he addresses Undertaker.

Hunter says that he has been in the business almost twenty years and it is a long time to stand in the ring and walk out to look at the fans. He wonders if this is the last time that he will work in this building. In two weeks, it will be the defining moment of his career. It is the defining moment of the Undertaker’s career. He says that he hears everybody talking and he sees the signs. The whole world is talking about this match. Two icons clashing like never before. Undertaker/Triple H, no holds barred.

Hunter says that he has no idea what this match will take out of him or out of the Undertaker. Neither man will ever be the same and he can assure us of that. It is the biggest match that he has ever been in during his life. The streak of eighteen years is bigger than any championship or even all of the championships that he has held combined. Ending that streak will be a career defining moment.

Before they go to the ring and tear each other apart and put each other through hell. He tells the Dead Man to come to Raw next week and stand in the ring. He wants to look the Undertaker in the eye and stand face to face, man to man so he can tell Taker what is going to happen at Wrestlemania. He wants to tell Undertaker to his face that he is going to lose. Hunter says that he will end the streak.

When the streak dies, so does the Undertaker. Hunter says that if cannot do it, he will die trying. Hunter says that he wants that one last opportunity to stand face to face. Just like Taker’s music says: Ain’t no grave that can hold this body down. When he ends the streak, that’s it. It’s done.

He tells Undertaker that at Wrestlemania, he goes 18-1. At Wrestlemania, he will rest in peace.

Ted DiBiase comes out and he has something to say to Hunter. One year ago, he was one of the rising superstars of WWE. He competed in his first Wrestlemania match against Randy Orton. Now he is just an afterthought. Ted says that he won’t be an afterthought any more. Ted suggests that if he takes out the Cerebral Assassin two weeks before Wrestlemania, the people will have no choice but to take notice of Ted DiBiase.

Hunter hits Ted as he enters the ring and then Hunter goes to the floor and he punches Ted. Ted gets in a series of punches but Hunter with a knee and then he sends Ted into the ring steps. Hunter Irish whips Ted into the ring steps and then he slams Ted’s head into the ring steps. Hunter sends Ted into the ringside barrier. Hunter picks up a chair and he hits Ted in the midsection and back with it. Hunter continues to hit Ted with the chair. Hunter rearranges the announce table. Hunter picks Ted up and goes onto the table for a Pedigree through the table. Hunter looks at the Wrestlemania sign.

We will hear from John Cena via satellite later tonight.

Miz will be re-writing Miz-tory tonight.

We go to commercial.

Match Number One: Sheamus versus Evan Bourne

They lock up and Sheamus sends Bourne to the mat. Bourne with kicks but Sheamus sends Bourne into the turnbuckles and hits a short arm clothesline. Sheamus with a kick and knees to the head as Bourne goes to the apron. Sheamus with forearms across the chest while he has Bourne in the ropes. Sheamus with an Irish whip but he misses a charge into the corner. Bourne with a spinning heel kick and then he goes to the apron.

Bourne goes up top but Sheamus moves out of the way on the shooting star press. Sheamus with a boot to the head for the three count.

Winner: Sheamus

After the match, Sheamus gets on the mic and tells us that he is the new champion of the United States of America.

Daniel Bryan comes out to the ring. Bryan says that one of the great things about this country is that everyone gets an opportunity. As a former United States Champion, Bryan wants to invoke his rematch clause and get that match at Wrestlemania.

Sheamus tosses the belt to Bryan and breaking rule #420, he catches the belt. Bryan falls victim to a pump kick.

We will have a Wrestlemania Rewind Match tonight and the match tonight is from Wrestlemania 22 with Randy Orton facing Rey Mysterio (Kurt Angle will not be there).

We go to commercial.

We are back with the WWE Rewind: Randy Orton finishing off Nexus last week.

Randy Orton leaves his bus and Scott Stanford intercepts him. He wants to know what it is like to tour the country in his bus. Orton says that it gives him privacy and a place to think. He says that it is a home away from home. Orton says that he witnessed the birth of the New Nexus and he enjoys watching the footage when he systematically ended it, one punt at a time. Orton says that Punk says that he is sick and twisted, but Punk has no idea what sick and twisted really is.

Match Number Two: Maryse versus Eve Torres in a Non Title Match

The bell rings and Maryse throws the hand and does her pose because that is what wrestling is all about. Eve applauds the way she waves her hair. Maryse and Eve argue and Eve with a punch. Maryse has the referee check her eye but it is a trap and Maryse goes after Eve and slams her head into the mat. Maryse with an Irish whip and a slap to Eve. Maryse slams Eve’s head into the turnbuckle and then she chokes Eve in the ropes. Maryse misses a knee to the back.

Michael Cole interrupts the match while Eve gets a near fall. Eve slams Maryse’s head into the turnbuckles. Eve with an arm wringer followed by kicks and clothesline. Eve yells at Cole in his fortress of suckitude. Eve tries for standing moonsault but Maryse gets her knees up.

Maryse tries for a neck breaker but Eve blocks it and gets the three count with a neck breaker.

Winner: Eve Torres

Cole says that he is glad that the match is over. Eve goes to the Cole PopeMobile and Cole has to use his security. Eve slaps Cole and then as security escorts her out, Cole grows a set.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Did You Know that John Cena does a lot for Make A Wish.

The Corre have made their way to Raw because the Tag Champs are in action. We go to footage from Smackdown when Big Show and Kane faced Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater.

Match Number Three: Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater with Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson versus Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina

Santino and Gabriel start things off and Gabriel with a kick but Santino with a split and hip toss. Santino unfurls the cobra and goes after Slater. Gabriel with a kick and he gets a near fall. Slater tags in and he kicks Santino and then puts Santino in a rear chin lock. Santino with a snap mare but Slater grabs the leg to prevent Santino from making the tag.

Kozlov tags in and he gives Slater a head butt and then he sends Slater into the turnbuckles and then he kicks him in the chest. Barrett distracts Kozlov and that allows Slater to hit the inverted DDT and Gabriel hits the 450 Splash for the three count.

Winners: Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel

After the match, The Corre attack Marella and Kozlov.

Big Show’s music plays and it is combined with Kane’s as they come to the ring.

Corre stops beating up Santino and Vladimir. Kane sends Gabriel into the ringside barrier and then Kane works over Barrett while Show punches Slater. Show kicks Jackson while Kane deals with Barrett. Santino checks on Kozlov while Kane and Show give Jackson a double choke slam.

We have an alliance of four people.

We see John Cena getting ready at home ‘via satellite’. We go to commercial.

We are back and if you can wait a week, The Rock will be on Raw.

We go to footage from last week when the MizRock appeared after John Cena defeated Alberto Del Rio by disqualification and his systematic destruction of his challenger at Wrestlemania.

John Cena is home and Josh asks John what he is going to do next week. It will be epic. It won’t be time to tell jokes or eat cereal. He will be face to face with the Rock. If there is a problem, the problem gets settled. Jerry asks John if the attention that he has paid to the Rock has allowed him to underestimate the Miz. Cena says that is why Miz has been able to do what he has to do. Cena says that if anyone needs proof, they only have to see him at home. It is proof that Miz deserves to be champion and he might be able to change the face of WWE.

Cena says that last week was a good trick and he expects this week’s to be the same. He hopes that Miz rewrites history tonight because at Wrestlemania, he will make history.

Michael Cole says that Cena and Rock have a lot in common. They are via satellite, but Michael Cole says that he is live. Cole tells Lawler that he has another world exclusive when we come back.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Michael Cole and Jack Swagger are doing laps in the ring. Swagger goes to the apron and then he stands in front of Lawler.

Michael wants to introduce the man who will train him in the main event against Jerry Lawler. He is talking about Jack Swagger. Last week, we had a world wide exclusive when he brought out Jerry’s biological child to talk about what kind of a gutless fraud Jerry Lawler is. Cole says that he was so touched by the emotional and heartwarming reunion after all of those years. We go to the video tape.

Cole gets a good laugh out of what we just saw. Cole says that Brian Christopher was so appreciative to get a chance to come out to talk last week that he sent Cole a gift. Cole shows us the Lawler family photo album. In order to see what a person is all about, you need to see how they were raised.

It is time to take a look Jerry’s father. Cole adds his own captions for the photos.

Cole says that he went to Memphis to talk to some people. Cole says that Lawler and his dad were gutless cowards and bullies. The self aggrandizing braggart until someone steps up to them and puts them in their place. Cole says that he is going to do that to Lawler.

Cole says that Jerry, his mother, his father, and his son have one thing in common. The family is nothing but a bunch of losers.

Lawler has had enough but when he gets up from the announce table. Swagger punches Lawler. Lawler punches back and then he drops Swagger on the announce table. Lawler chases Cole out of the ring and then Swagger hits Lawler with a clothesline. Swagger puts Lawler’s face against the glass while Cole insults Lawler. Swagger puts Lawler in the ankle lock. Cole leaves the peep show booth and Cole applies the ankle lock while Swagger has his knee on Lawler’s head.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Michael Cole apologizes for letting his emotions get the best of him. Cole says that Lawler has been pushing his buttons and he says that he snapped. Cole sincerely apologizes for what happened.

It is time to look at the publicity that Snooki got for WWE and let’s go to the video tape.

Match Number Four: Dolph Ziggler with Michelle McCool, Vickie Guerrero, and Layla versus John Morrison with Trish Stratus in a Taste of what you are going to get at Wrestlemania Match

They lock up and Morrison works on the arm but Ziggler with a knee and forearms and punches to Morrison until the referee pulls Ziggler off Morrison. Morrison runs Ziggler into the turnbuckles and he punches Ziggler until the referee stops him. Ziggler with a kick to Morrison followed by a neck breaker for a near fall. Ziggler with a forearm across the chest followed by an elbow drop for a near fall.

Ziggler with a reverse chin lock on Morrison. Morrison with punches but Ziggler with a kick. Morrison with a drop kick and clothesline that sends Ziggler over the top rope. Michelle gets in the way of Morrison but Trish goes after Layla and Michelle. Trish gets into the ring and . . .

We have an e-mail. Cole goes to his laptop and he quotes. This is now going to be a handicap intergender tag match. Morrison and Trish will face Dolph, LayCool, and Vickie Guerrero.

Trish grabs Vickie by the hair and LayCool pull Vickie out of Trish’s clutches.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Five: Trish Stratus and John Morrison versus Dolph Ziggler, Vickie Guerrero, Michelle McCool, and Layla

The match is joined in progress with Ziggler having Morrison in a side head lock. Morrison gets to his feet but Ziggler pulls Morrison by the hair but Morrison with a kick. Ziggler avoids the Shining Wizard and Layla tags in.

Trish with forearms to Layla followed by a kick. Trish with an Irish whip but she runs into a boot. Trish with a handstandcanrana on Layla followed by a chop or two. Trish goes for a third with a little extra added while Layla screams. Michelle kicks Trish in the back when the referee was unable to see what was going on. Trish is sent into the mat and Michelle tags in.

Michelle with a running knee to the head and then she punches Trish. Michelle with knees to the midsection and then Michelle gets a near fall. Michelle tries to send Trish’s knee into the mat but Trish with a head scissors to escape. Layla is tagged back in and she kicks Trish and gets a near fall.

Layla kicks Trish and then sends the back of the head into the mat. Vickie tags in but she misses a leg drop. Morrison tags in and that means that Ziggler has to come in. Morrison with clotheslines and a leg lariat. Morrison sends Ziggler into the mat and then he hits the springboard round kick. Layla pulls Trish off the apron while Morrison sets for the corkscrew split legged moonsault and he misses. Ziggler sends Morrison into the turnbuckles and then he hits the Zig Zag. Ziggler tags in Vickie and he gets the three count.

Winners: Vickie Guerrero, Michelle McCool, Layla, and Dolph Ziggler

We go to commercial.

We are back and Did You Know that WWE’s Facebook is growing.

We have another Sin Cara video package.

Cole talks about what happened at the start of the show. Then we leave the glass curtain of Cole’s booth for Josh Mathews.

John Cena says that when Taker came back, it was like there will be a Wrestlemania. Show says that when Hunter interrupted Taker, he said this is getting good. There is confidence and there is cocky. There is also insanity. Arn Anderson says that all of those barriers were crossed when Hunter came out. Orton says that there were no words. Show and Steamboat also talk about how nothing was said during their first stare down.

Jerry Lawler says that he never saw anything like that in his forty years in wrestling. Hunter had to make a statement and that is what happened. John Morrison says that Triple H is trying to solidify himself as the icon and the legend. Jim Ross says that Hunter has done everything in WWE except one thing. Steve Austin points out that Triple H is putting everything on the line for this match and he has to win this match. Lawler says that Hunter has to accomplish this. Booker says that Hunter is challenging Taker because of one word . . . the streak. Booker points out that for eighteen years, it has been his burial ground. Lawler says that this is what Taker is. Arn says that it is like winning eighteen Super Bowls in a row. Harley Race says that luck played a role in the beginning, but luck runs out after eighteen years.

Big Show says that there is no one better than the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Jim Ross says that he doesn’t know if Taker’s career revolves around anything more than that one day. Arn Anderson says that Taker owns Wrestlemania. Shawn Michaels says that nothing lasts forever. The last two years, he was close to ending it. The Undertaker is hanging on by a thread. In a match where anything goes, Cena thinks that Hunter has a good chance to end the streak. Jim Ross says that Hunter’s mindset is what sets him apart from the other people who have challenged Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Cena says that he is calculating and focused. Ross also points out Hunter’s record in No Holds Barred matches. Arn Anderson says that he does not think that there is a person walking upright who will end the Undertaker’s streak.

Orton says that he knows what it is like to face Taker at Mania. Show says that he has never been pushed to the limit as much as when he faced the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Chris Jericho says that they are going to leave something in the ring that they will never get back. John Morrison says that they are two legends. Steve Austin says that both guys are going to put everything into this match. Steamboat says that everything they have done in the past is minimal compared to what is going to happen at Wrestlemania. Shawn says that to say that it will have impact is an understatement. Dusty Rhodes says that he believes that this will be the final chapter for one of them. Jim Ross says that only one person is going to be the guy who can say that they were the guy to beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania.

Randy Orton says that he will be watching this match. This is the Super Bowl. This is Wrestlemania.

Randy Orton walks to the ring and we see the MASH unit of Nexus that Orton took care of.

We go to commercial.

We are back with Randy Orton’s comments outside the arena earlier tonight.

Match Number Six: Randy Orton versus Rey Mysterio in a 2/3 of the Wrestlemania 22 Match Wrestlemania Rewind Match

They lock up and Mysterio with a waist lock but Orton with an elbow. Rey with a kick and Orton with a forearm. Orton with an Irish whip but he runs into a boot. Rey with kicks to Orton and a drop kick to the knee. Rey misses a round kick and Orton with an uppercut. Orton throws Rey under the bottom rope to the floor. Orton goes to the floor after Rey and they return to the ring. Orton gets a near fall.

Orton with a leaping knee drop and he gets another near fall. Orton with a reverse chin lock on Mysterio and Rey gets back to his feet. Mysterio with a punch to Orton but Orton with a forearm and an Irish whip. Orton puts Mysterio on the top turnbuckle but Rey knocks Orton off. Rey with a seated splash but Orton with a power slam. Orton sets for the IEDDT but Rey counters and sends Orton into the ropes. Rey with a kick to the back and then Orton blocks the 619. Orton hits the IEDDT and then he gets ready for the RKO, but . . .

CM Punk appears on the TitanTron. He says that he doesn’t know what sick and twisted is, but that is a really nice bus and he can’t wait to meet Randy’s wife.

Orton runs through the back and into the parking lot. He tries to open the door to his bus but Punk hits Orton from behind with a wrench. Orton’s wife screams in fear and Punk tells her to shut up.

Punk says that the voices in his head should be telling him not to have kicked McGillicutty, Harris, Otunga, or Ryan. Now Orton won’t be kicking anyone at Wrestlemania. Punk kicks Orton and then he blows a kiss to Randy’s wife.

Punk leaves and Orton’s wife checks on her husband.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Triple H and Undertaker will meet face to face on Raw next week. The Rock will also be on Raw.

There is a red carpet in the ring and Alex Riley is back on Miz’s payroll. He says that he was fired three weeks ago as the Miz’s apprentice. Riley says that he was rehired as the vice president of corporate communication. Riley introduces The Miz.

Miz says that in the 1970s, people would travel great distances to gather so they could say that they saw Muhammad Ali box in person. In the 1980s, people would pay big money to see an in his prime Michael Jordan play basketball. Now these people are blessed with the honor of seeing him.

Miz says that when he first started, people didn’t take him seriously. People said that he was annoying. Now look at how far we have come. Now John Cena, like the Rock and everyone else hang on every single word that he says.

Last week, he imitated the Rock and he says that it was good and he got everyone. It is ironic because there have been a lot of wannabe Rock clones, the one who imitated him correctly and amazingly is someone who is one of a kind. An original. Miz says that he has rewritten history. Miz says that he has more charisma than Shawn Michaels. More physically imposing that Andre The Giant. More intelligent than The Rock and John Cena combined. Miz says that he is the greatest WWE Champion in history.

In the process, he has become greater than the WWE Universe and everyone in it. Miz says that he has flipped the WWE since day one. Miz says that he is going to reveal what symbolizes and celebrates the iconic WWE logo. Miz says that he has flipped it in the form of an ‘M’. Miz says that ‘M’ stands for Miz.

The time has now come. Miz says that it is time to rewrite Miz-tory. We have a drum roll as the curtain is lifted and we see the new WWE title belt with the ‘W’ flipped.

Miz holds the belt over his head and then he puts the belt around his waist with help from his gofer. Miz says that this is what the belt will look like from now on. It will not spin like a toy. It will be the most coveted title in the world. Miz says that he will not be a multi-time champion because he does not plan on losing this title because he’s the Miz . . . and he’s . . .


John Cena appears ‘via satellite’ and he says that was moving and epic. He hasn’t seen anything that dramatic since the season finale of Flip that House. Cena gets the reason why Miz flipped the logo over. Cena says that the WWE Universe knows that he is not invincible. The WWE Universe will learn that you don’t make him angry. Cena says that in thirteen days, he will make history.

People move the furniture behind him and it turns out that John is outside the Penguins locker room in the arena. Cena says WWE has been his home for nine years and they are in the middle of his living room and he is going to take out the trash.

Miz and Riley get ready for Cena to attack them by taking off their ties.

Cena’s music plays and he comes out. Miz throws the table at Cena but he moves. Cena fights off Miz and Riley and then Riley tries to choke Cena but Cena gets free. Cena throws Riley to the floor and then Cena goes after Miz but Miz is on the floor. Riley returns to the ring and that is mistake number one. Cena puts Riley in the STF and Riley is tapping. A referee comes to the ring to tell Riley that it doesn’t matter if he taps and he also tries to get Cena to release the hold.

Miz returns into the arena and Cena lets go of the hold. Cena and Miz stare each other down from a distance and then Cena puts Riley back in the STF. Miz cannot believe what is going on with Riley, but he is smart enough not to get to the ring. More referees come to the ring to try to get Cena off Riley and eventually Cena lets go.

We go to credits.
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Rating For WWE Smackdown 3/18

The 3/18 e